Are Relational Proficiencies Biblical?

by Glenn Davis

In my last article, I asked the question, “Are Relational Proficiencies necessary?”

I believe that they are necessary.  They are the conduit through which we are able to bless others.

Relational proficiencies are being taught and practiced with success in the business world.  But are they Biblical?  I believe the answer is “Yes”.

What I want to do in this article is identify each of these five relational proficiencies and then look to the Bible to see what is taught.

  1. Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence has many soft skills wrapped into it.  This includes things like empathy, self-awareness, and the ability to read the room.

Emotional Intelligence may not help you know what to say, but it does help you know when to respond, and how to respond.

Proverbs 23:1–3 (ESV)

“When you sit down to eat with a ruler, observe carefully what is before you,

and put a knife to your throat if you are given to appetite.

Do not desire his delicacies, for they are deceptive food.”

Proverbs 23:6–9 (ESV)

“Do not eat the bread of a man who is stingy; do not desire his delicacies,

for he is like one who is inwardly calculating. “Eat and drink!” he says to you, but his heart is not with you.

You will vomit up the morsels that you have eaten, and waste your pleasant words.

Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the good sense of your words.”

Both of these passages teach us the importance of knowing who you are talking to, and knowing how to respond to the situation.

Do you know the 9-8-9 Rule?

Proverbs 9:8–9 (ESV)

“Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you.

Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning.”

Or what would have happened to Nathan the prophet if he was lacking in Emotional Intelligence when addressing King David and his sin?

  • Active Listener

Again, Proverbs has much to teach us.

Proverbs 29:20 says, “Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.”

James teaches us that we should be, “Be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.”

When we do not listen well, we often only get half of the story and we miss diagnose.  Consider Proverbs 18:17.  When we only hear part of the story, we often miss out on the whole truth.

  • Supportive Coach

Becoming a supportive coach has to do with moving from being a teller, to becoming a listener who can help others find their own answers.  As pastors, we have been trained as tellers.  As associational leaders, we need to work on learning to listen, and to ask good questions.  Supportive coaches ask questions. 

Who was better at asking good questions than Jesus?

John 3:10 (ESV)

“Jesus answered him, “Are you the teacher of Israel and yet you do not understand these things?””

Matthew 16:15 (ESV)

“He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” “

Luke 24:26 (ESV)

“Was it not necessary that the Christ should suffer these things and enter into his glory?”

The Southern Baptist Conference of Associational Leaders is working right now to train men in Gospel Coaching so that they will be able to provide coaching training to any associational leaders who want the training.

As I write this article, I am sitting in the Atlanta airport, returning home from the first part of Gospel Coaching training.

  • Authentically Vulnerable

Any time we give the impression that we are always right, or we are without sin, we fail in following the example of men like the Apostle Paul.  Paul called himself, “chief of sinners.”

  • Vocal Encourager

The Bible reminds us again and again that our words are to be used to bless and encourage and build others up. 

Consider Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

We need to work on developing relational proficiencies because they are Biblical.  This is the way that God intends us to relate to one another.

Why Revitalize the Church?

Brandon Moore, Church Revitalization Specialist, Missouri Baptist Convention

Last post, we focused on God’s target for His church: what we are shooting for in church revitalization. Before we get into specifics on how to work with churches in need of revitalization, one more key element remains: why should we revitalize churches?

Our why will shape and fuel our methods. Our purpose must be aligned with who God has created us to be, or we will become discouraged and distorted. So how do our God-given identities, foundations, and structures as a church align and fuel our pursuit of church revitalization?

  1. Our identities as Worshipers, Family, and Missionaries give us our motivation.
    • Because churches are created to reflect God to the world…
      • If they lack holiness and devotion as worshipers, they tell the world that God is not holy, sin isn’t a big deal, and God is not worthy
      • If they lack unity as family, they tell the world that God’s love doesn’t have the power to overcome our differences.
      • If they lack urgency as missionaries, they tell the world that embracing the Gospel is just not all that important and his saving grace just isn’t that amazing.
    • Dying churches send these kinds of messages & more to the world, if that doesn’t motivate you to revitalize, I don’t know what will. We must pursue revitalization that God would be glorified and the Gospel would transform communities.
  2. Our foundations of the Gospel, Scripture, and Prayer give us our confidence.
    • It’s often been said that it’s easier to give birth than raise the dead. But here’s the truth of the matter: we can’t do either without God, and He’s given us everything we need in these foundations to revitalize healthy churches.
    • With Scripture as our guide, the Gospel as our hope of transformation, and the power of the Spirit through prayer, we have every reason to be confident that God intends to bring churches back to life.
  3. Our structures of Leadership, Membership, and Discipleship give us our mandates.
    • Leadership as God intends reminds us that he has gifted his people with pastors to shepherd them toward health and vitality on an ongoing basis by knowing, feeding, leading, and protecting his flock with the patience, love, and truth of the Chief Shepherd. 
    • Membership as God intends reminds us that every member matters even those that are malnourished. Jesus’s heart is for everyone single one of his people, his sheep, not just those easy to get along with but even those who bite the shepherd.
    • Discipleship as God intends reminds us that our job is not just to win souls, though vital and important, but also to teach them to obey all Jesus commanded. This means if we are going to be faithful to the great commission, we must revitalize churches that are full of disciples who have yet to learn to obey all that Jesus commands. We must make whole disciples.
    • Our structures mandate that we shepherd like the Chief Shepherd, care for every member, and make whole disciples. We cannot faithfully do this unless we pursue the revitalization of churches.

As we align with and are fueled by God’s complete target for his church, we avoid the trappings of a search for a silver bullet solution. We’re forced to recognize that we cannot focus merely upon one aspect of who the church is supposed to be and expect revitalization. We must be holistic in our treatment, and we must persevere through the trials that revitalization brings by remembering the motivation, confidence, and mandates God embeds in His vision for His people.

Are Relational Proficiencies Necessary?

by Glenn Davis, AMS Heart of Kansas Southern Baptist Association

The Water Tower Analogy

I have talked some in the previous article about the need for relational proficiencies.

We all have quoted the adage, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”  Relational proficiencies are the language that allows you to speak love AND truth in a way that is received and understood by others.

Allow me to use a water tower for my analogy. 

Think of three parts to a water tower; the structure, the water, and the downspout.

The structure that supports that water tower is like the Foundational Proficiencies.  This structure includes the legs and the tank itself.  In my analogy this structure reflects the character and calling that are foundational to our role as associational leaders. 

The character and calling in our lives are the structure of the water tower. The tower and the tank are absolutely necessary if you are going to contain water in a useful way.  

If you don’t have this structure, you are not a water tower.  If you have water without the tank, you don’t have a water tower, you have a mud puddle. 

As an associational leader, if you have gifted-ness without character, the result will always be a mess.  The higher the competency the bigger the mess.

Those who have served in the ministry world for years have seen the tragedy of a gifted pastor coming to a church and attracting people.  Yet because of a lack of character in that man’s life, all his gifted-ness did was attract more people who were then hurt when the character failure happened.

The tower and the tank of the water tower are the Foundational Proficiencies which focus on character.

Strategic Proficiencies are the water in the tower.  These are the skills that you have developed as a leader by which you can help others.  These are things like Seeing and Casting Vision, Strategic Thinking, and the Word gifts required to communicate the vision and motivate people.

The water in the tower represents the competencies in our lives.  Many of us have spent years developing the ability to skillfully handle the Word of God, to skillfully communicate the Word, and to think strategically about how to lead in effective ways.
When people see a water tower, they rightly expect there to be water in the tower.  When people hear us profess “calling from God” but find us dry, they see us like the “clouds without rain” spoken of in the book of Jude.

Without these strategic proficiencies, you have a water tower that promises something that it can’t deliver.  People will look to you for help because of your position, but without these competencies, your position will promise more than it can deliver.  Pastors and churches will come to you for wisdom, or for help with vision, and they go away thirsty.

Relational Proficiencies are the downspout, or the conduit through which the water passes. 

Relational Proficiencies are the pipes that allow the flow of the strategic proficiencies you have developed over the years.  

A water tower with water is of no use if there is no pipe to allow the water to come from the tower to those in need.  Relational Proficiency is the conduit which allows the competencies we have developed to flow into the lives of others.

These Relational Proficiencies are the soft skills used by high level leaders in almost all organizations.
These relational skills involve self-awareness, situational awareness, listening skills, the ability to ask good questions and the practice of giving encouragement to others.  

When Relational Proficiencies are lived out, it often feels like love to those around us.

As associational leaders, many of us have spent a lifetime developing character and competency in ministry.  We hinder our effectiveness by failing to develop relational proficiencies.  Without relational proficiencies your pipe is plugged or broken, and life-giving water is not made available to those in need.